How to Manage Anxiety As a Mom

I know I can’t be the only person who has had the thought, “Am I a bad mom?” Usually, it hits me after yelling at my kids for the tenth time about the same thing or desperately craving a break after a long day of Legos and cleaning up endless messes.

Looking back, I realize those moments had less to do with my kids and more to do with me. I was completely overstimulated. My anxiety as a mom was high because I was (and am still sometimes!) completely dysregulated.

That’s when I came to an important conclusion: I’m not a bad mom—I’m an overstimulated mom.

That's why co-regulation matters

Maybe you’ve heard of the term co-regulation (it's fancy and a lot of people use it). As an OT, we studied it in depth in school, but the true meaning didn’t click until I became a mom myself. Here’s how I see it now: Co-regulation is my ability to help my child regulate while also regulating myself. And the truth is, I can’t regulate my child well if I’m dyregulated. It's that simple.

At the end of the day, being the best mom I can be means learning to manage my own dysregulation and anxiety  first. And I've talked to so many moms navigating this too, so let's dive deeper into coregulation—because I believe it’s the key to being a joyful, present, and peaceful mom, wife, and more.

First, let's discuss how our babies and toddlers regulate best

The truth is: regulation and co-regulation are important for everyone, at every age and stage. But for now, let’s focus on moms in the baby and toddler years. Here’s a breakdown by stage:

• Baby stage (0–6 months): Soothing from the caregiver—bouncing, rocking, swinging, swaying, distraction, pacifiers, feeding, and more.

• Baby stage (6–12 months): Redirection, distraction, a change of scenery, feeding, eye contact, singing, swaying, rocking, patting, calming with your presence.

• Early toddler stage (12–24 months): Redirection, distraction, change of scenery, deep pressure for calming, disciplined tones, “no-no’s,” calming with your presence.

• Toddler stage (2 years+): Redirection, offering choices, time-outs, calming with your presence, letting tantrums run their course, deep breathing, hugging stuffed animals, etc.

(Not an all-inclusive list, but it gives some insight into how our littles regulate best at different ages.)

And as moms, we regulate in ways too.

This can look different for everyone, depending on your temperament, interests, or tendencies but essentially, regulation is how you calm down. How you manage anxiety, unwind, and practice self-care.

• Active moms typically exercise, go for walks walks outside, play tennis, pickleball, or may swim.

• Healthy moms typically meal prep, grocery shop alone, enjoy a nutritious meal, and more.

• All moms typically take bubble baths, read, get massages or pedicures, complete a skincare routine, or enjoy intimacy with their partner.

• Day-to-day, moment-to-moment resets can also be: deep breathing, box breathing, grounding techniques, a “time-out,” grabbing coffee, hanging with a friend, or listening to a favorite podcast in the car.

These are all healthy ways to regulate—but sometimes our anxiety as a mom gets the best of us. When we’re too overstimulated, our dysregulation can spill out as yelling, rage, avoidance, or irritability. This leaves us feeling crappy later, and hearing that negative internal dialogue that says "I'm a bad mom."

So, now that we know more about regulation, here's how we put co-regulation into practice

We have defined co-regulation and looked at how our kids (and we) regulate, so let’s break down a few steps to make this work in real life—especially in those “I’m about to lose it” moments.

Step 1: Learn your child

No matter their age, learn what dysregulates your child. If your toddler rarely listens the first time, set that expectation and manage your frustration beforehand. If your baby fusses during the witching hour or wakes up often at night, prepare mentally and seek support if needed. Learning our kids, and their tendencies and patterns helps us manage expectations and our triggers.

Step 2: Know your triggers and manage expectations

For me, really loud noises are a big trigger. Which is not ideal when I am dyregulated in a house with 2 LOUD toddlers. Knowing what sets me off and how my body reacts helps me plan my response. Think through your day: which times make you feel on edge or irritated? Remind yourself that you can’t always control the situation, but you can control your response—and work on lowering your threshold when those triggers happen. That's when coping skills are HUGE.

Step 3: Develop coping skills and support

Having coping skills for before, during, and after hard moments is key to supporting your child’s regulation. Replace unhelpful reactions (yelling, snapping, lashing out) with healthier strategies to create a calmer home. Support systems matter, too—maybe that’s a friend helping at a playdate or an expert guiding you through a tough stage. Even something as simple as a visual timer can help your toddler transition and keep everyone regulated. Another simple change can be slowing down when you walk. This can help you regulate your nervous system much better and help you feel less stressed. Skills and support are crucial. Make sure to add them to your regulation tool box. 

Step 4: Understand how behavior and environment affect everyone's regulation

We’re all different—every mom, every baby, every family. Temperament plays a big role. Ask yourself: What makes me feel most on edge? How do I calm down best? What happens when I feel overwhelmed? Do the same for your child: What comforts them fastest? What personality traits make regulation easier or harder? 

And don’t forget the environment—some places will always heighten your anxiety as a mom. Knowing this helps you build strategies that work anywhere.

At the end of the day, I hope you know you’re a good mom. We all make mistakes, often because we’re dysregulated and overstimulated. Focus on taking care of yourself as much as your kids, and you’ll be able to bring a calm, steady presence to your home.

And when you need the reminder? Bookmark this post—I know I will.